Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin ran away……..

Yo ho ho dear blog,

This Christmas Eve here in Nowhere finds:

-sickness

-lack of guests – well, we have one guest who keeps peeing underneath the Christmas Tree but the other expected guests called to say they won’t make it (how I wish I’d known this last night as it would have meant that I didnt have to drag my sick and tired body out of bed EARLY to take off the sheets, to wash them, dry them and put them back on again).

-lack of christmas cheer?  Well, I’m trying to work on that by opening the Ikea mulled wine bottle, heating it to a scalding temperature, scalding my mouth to check that it was in fact at a scalding temperature………it is.. but as I’m sick and have a sick Fatty sleeping (yes, I am letting him sleep even though it is 4.30 p.m. and yes, I do know what this will bring later…….PAIN), I need to go easy on the Chateau Ikea.

-Plenty of unwrapped presents to wrap

-A family of tasmanian devils, ripping up the playroom………funny, as I thought it was only The prof and the Lips in there, sitting quietly, reading books and revising….

 

Other matters:

Oh Bonjour to SutffedBudgie, my new follower. Plenty of snow on the Pyrenees. 

 

Bloody ‘puter is on go slow. So I’m typing and it’s like magic ink – nothing appears in writing for about 20 seconds.

 

I’ll sign off now and wish everyone a (very much more) Merry(ier) Christmas (than moi) and I’ll be back tomorrow when my laptop has got over it’s seasonal hangover.

Peace to all men…women and other species such as children, teenagers and turkeys.

(Father) Blog,

It has been (about) 15 days since my last confession……

My sins? Well, I’ve committed a few minor ones which include:

swearing, swearing, swearing, thinking bad thoughts about my husband and children, more swearing, further bad thoughts of family, swearing…. oh and I smiled at a man who isn’t my husband in Carrefour.

I shall say 500 Hail Mary’s but I CANNOT promise that I won’t continue to sin along the same lines……..in fact, just a minute ago me and the Courier Post guy broke all rules of Nowhere etiquette and are now on first name terms. So that’s two men who aren’t my husband receiving smiles from me on consecutive days.

Howdy to Texas, one of my new followers. I saw both mails. I am now in email debit to you.

Family Life

So we left the blog of Day 14 on the AA meeting cliffhanger.

The Prodigal and I struck a deal: He has to run EVERY lunchtime which should prevent him from purchasing 32 cent beers from Aldi (and then willy nilly cutting people’s hair. Never a successful marriage – alcohol and sharp scissors).

How does he prove it you ask?

Well, Mapmyrun app uses GPS to position the runner on a map (and send the evidence to the runner’s mother).

IF he doesn’t carry on doing this, then off we go to the Nowhere AA meeting. From what I see of driving skills (lack of) in Nowhere, during these meetings, the roads around here must be deserted.

Gems from the Face

Part I

I took all 5 of THEM to a supermarket. Whilst we were there, rather untypically, I spot a 6 foot plus tranny, of a certain age but giving it a go so fair play to him.

The Face has previous for pointing and shouting the bleedin’ obvious and has regularly  found my hand pressing down around his gob to stiffle his observances.

I was too late this time. I just hope the Madame Guy Bloke was French and his understanding of English, limited. His understanding of pointing and gawping? well, maybe he had poor sight….

Anyway, telling the husband about a man dressed up in women’s clothes, loitering around the meat section,the Face cries out:

‘yeah, it was a brilliant disguise!! Brilliant!’

Part II

The Face had a couple of friends over on Saturday evening.  Bearing in mind this is his 14th birthday, his best friend (also 14) bought him some condoms. I would imagine that in France, this is probably correct etiquette as they do like to start their human biology, section The Reproductive System, practical lessons early.

Whilst the Husband the Friend had a discussion about the price of condoms and in particular machine dispensed condoms, the Face told me that it was sensible to use condoms to avoid getting ‘Sida’ – that’s Aids in French. He said this with a straight face and I agreed up until the point he said:

‘yeah, also stops us getting rabies.’

HE IS PRICELESS!! The comedic value of that child is priceless.

 

Ok this blog is running on a bit. Next time, I’ll try to do less and more often? Or just less and less often……like my french homework, housework, food shopping, exercise………being a model human being……being intelligent……..

Until next time. G’day all my charming followers.