Good soggy morning Blog and a jolly bonjour to my wonderful, attractive, intelligent followers….and also to my other followers,

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You remember the Boomerang blog from a few weeks back? The charming email that I received from my neighbour accusing the Prodigal of being a degenerate (to be fair, she has a point) and of leading her innocent daughter astray? Well, guess what happened? The innocent daughter left her wonderful mother a note to say that she was going off to see the world (or crack her teeth – literal translation from French) with two of her friends and nothing has been heard of them for two weeks. Until yesterday. They got as far as Lyon – pas mal. Now if I were a mean person, I might email her mother and suggest that as she cannot keep her daughter under constant supervision, I am worried about the danger she might put my son in…………….IF I were a mean person, I might write that….

The Prodigal

So, credit where it is due, his behavior hasn’t been too awful.

This has nothing to do with the psychiatric appointment last week (3-4 hour round trip for a 15 min session – oh but he did get a party bag…a prescription for sleeping tablets and something to suppress the desire to drink alcohol). This improved behaviour has more to do with the Husband getting the Prodigal to dig a trench (6 foot by 6 foot…….yes, does look dodgy when you write down the dimensions but I’ve hidden the firearms) and other physical activities. The Devil makes work for idle hands (one of Mother’s favourites) but not if the idle hands are blistered and wrapped around a spade.

Still,

He has managed to partake in a bit of down time…….relaxing with say………armagnac. I do admire his connoisseur tastes until I worked out that this has cost us around 700 euros. He was slumming/sluming (?) it last night as I found 3/4 empty bottle of rose…..a PLASTIC bottle. Can’t imagine that would make you feel good. Probably good for cleaning toilets, blood and saucepans.

The Face

‘Is the Pope a saint?’

and

‘Are there any saints on the earth?’

‘Erm, what do you mean, Face?’

‘Yeah, you know saints. those ones who had done the 7 erm..things?’

“Are you being serious?’

‘Yes. 7 things. those saints. they’ve done them You know, baptism, confirmation…’

‘incarceration?’ pipes in the Prodigal

‘oh.please.Mary, mother of Jesus, GIVE. ME. STRENGTH.’

The Professor & the Lips

All good.

Plenty of fighting.

The Prof’s girlfriend came over on Saturday. He has been en amoureux for 3 years. She is about 2 foot taller than him which was displayed to scale in her Lover’s Drawing.

Fatty & the new dog

We are starting potty training (again. Yes, we started this a year ago. After poo was shoved into every crevice of the toddler climbing frame, I decided to put it off…. indefinitely).

So, as the weather WAS good, I put him in big boy pants. This was going well. He managed to retrieve his equipment to pee on the grass.

At some point, I saw him on his ride on, going around and around and around the outside table. Closely following him (when I say closely, I mean her nose was practically inside the back of his pants) was the new dog. SQUEALS of delight from Fatty as sometimes, his gain meant her loss.

‘Hey, what’s going on Fatty? And Lidl Supermarket Chain Dog, take your nose away from Fatty’s bum!!’

But she didn’t

because

he had had an accident of the nutella substance kind. It was spilling out the top, the back and under.

I took him from the ride on. His legs resembled an accident with a dark shade of fake tan.

The dog licked up the excess from the ride on. This turned my stomach a bit. I took off Fatty’s pants and pooy wellies.

‘you stand there, Fatty and I’ll get the wipes’

The dog unsated from the ride on appetizer, started to sniff out her main – Fatty’s pants.

She had them in her mouth, she was giving them a good chomp as I grabbed her, grabbed fatty as he made a break to get back on the ride on and screamed for the Face to come and help.

To hold onto a poo smeared, excited dog and toddler is tricky.

Good job the Face stood there gawping and shouting ‘eeeehhhgggghhhh. Yuk. I don’t want to touch THAT dog’

meanwhile, the dinner was burning, burning, burning.

The Face disappeared to answer the phone.

‘oh, mum, it’s the prodigal, he wants to talk to you’

‘put that feckin mobile down and get hold of that feckin dog and stop being so feckin useless’

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Ok, my friends, that’s all from me today. Make sure you tune in tonight for the Euro debate between Farage and Clegg. It’s a debate that’s never been had – well, officially. Who will come out the winner and in fact, will the result mean that the UK will ever hold a referendum on the Euro question?

‘If an idea is indeed sensible, it will eventually become just part of the accepted wisdom.’ Nigel Farage

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